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This man avoided his mother. Why? He had lost his self-confidence and believed he was good for
Here is what Helen, the mother, had to say during our workshop session:
"My eldest son, who is 45 years old, has been avoiding me for several years. The few times we
managed to speak together, he would get irritated if we misunderstood him. He just broke up with
his girlfriend, and it devastated him. He thinks that he is good for nothing, a total failure and that he
will never be able to have his own family. I tried several times to invite him to the restaurant, but to
no avail: he invents pretexts to refuse my invitations."
Helen's situation is very delicate. She would like to help her son, which is understandable. Most of
us want to help our close ones – which is not easy. It's even more complex when the person tries to
Helen's son has been trying to avoid her for years. What could be the cause? When a grown-up child
who seemed fine during his childhood tries to avoid his parents, it can be because of anxiety and
fear. He may feel his parents expected too much of him, or he set too high standards for himself,
and he thinks he is not up to expectations. Or he may be living a difficult situation he does not know
how to handle. Or because of pride.
Helen thought that since she and her husband had succeeded very well in life, their son may have
felt that he was not good enough compared to them. And that he probably took the "Finger for the
Moon" - one of the tools we expose in our video.
Is having a lot of money or power our main objective in life? We could be taking the finger for the
moon if we think so. In reality, our true goal in life is to feel good.Money or power are just
vehicles that can make us feel good – or can make us feel very bad. They can be stressful when we
have them and fear losing them. And when we fail to get them, they can become a source of stress
So because of that, Helen's son felt he was not good enough. And that feeling was reinforced when
he broke up with his girlfriend. He became discouraged and thought he would never achieve
anything. Hence his irritability.
So the first thing to do for Helen was to support him and listen to him in the first place, showing she
cared and not judging him.
Helen also had to apply another tool: Bob. Bob is reality, not what we want or hope it to be, but
And that's what Helen did. Her new attitude and perception of the situation helped her to be more
relaxed when she spoke to her son – and to accept his bad temper and not be affected, since she
understood that it was not against her, but simply that he was feeling bad. She listened to him,
accepted him, and assured him of her support and love. That led to ease the situation.
She was then able to make him understand that he is important – not because of what he has or
does, but as a human being because he exists. It's another of our tools: WEE-WEE-NOO. We
explain it at length in our video.
If we see somebody falling in the street, what do we do? We help that person, right? We do not need
to encounter this situation, but our potential to do it makes us important. Be at the right place at the
right time. For the same reasons, other people are important too. And no, we do not need to be liked
by such or such a person. When we apply this concept, we are not dependent on the other person's
feelings or reactions, and we therefore feel freer. We can say yes when we want to say yes and
say no when we have to.
And this leads to better communication with people and the joy of living!
And that's what happened to Helen's son. Little by little, he opened up to his mother. The tools
started to have an effect on him, and he regained his confidence, his joy of living, his belief that he
was important as a person, and today he has a job and is married!
Which also shows that “bad” situations may be temporary. And that personal development tools,
and managing our emotions and perceptions can not only be beneficial to us – but can also have an
impact on our relations and help us adopt the right attitude towards others, thus helping them in
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